Dollywood:  A Major Shit-Fest

For my family vacation recently, I went to the Smoky Mountains region in Tennessee.  Most of our time was spent in the park, which was okay, but part of it was spent in Pigeon Forge, which makes Wisconsin Dells or Deadwood look like just a minor tourist trap.  Pigeon Forge, TN is home to Dollywood, an amusement park named after, and created by, Dolly Parton.  Unfortunately, I was not amused.

Some say that Dollywood is a nice change from your basic amusement park, with shows and shops instead of rides.  I say it's rape.  Why?  Because it cost me $42.50 for admission into this shitfest.  $42.50?  Holy crap!  You douche bags have the balls to charge me MORE than Six Flags and Cedar Point, even though you don't have rides to build and maintain?  Don't tell me that it's to cover the cost of entertainers, because Six Flags has those too, and yours weren't much better.

And if all of this shit wasn't enough, here's the kicker.  There really is nothing there but shows and shops.  There are 6 shows on any given day, all lasting about 45 minutes.  This takes up only 3 hours of my day.  This leaves shops for the rest of the day, and what's the point of shops if you're not going to buy stuff?  Anyone catch on yet?  Dollywood is CHARGING ME MONEY TO SPEND MONEY!!!  These greedy fuckers charged me $42.50 to watch teenagers sing and to SPEND MONEY.  As I walked out of the park, I gave the greeters the finger, and shouted as loud as I could, "You fuckers just raped me out of $42.50!  Go to hell you greedy bastards!"

But wait, there's more!  The entire park is filled with Dolly Parton propeganda.  How great her music is, how much she's helped her community with Dollywood, ect.  It's all bullshit.  Her music is on par with all other country music, and Dollywood has certainly not helped that community.  Dollywood has taken a beautiful mountain resort and turned it into tourist trap hell.  Dollywood executives, Dolly Parton, go to hell.  You STOLE my money and RUINED a community.  Stop cashing in on ignorance.

Rant over.